Honestly I don't really like reminiscing my past because I don't feel like I had a very childhood friendly memory of what growing up should be like. Sure I had a good family that did their best to raise my sister and I, but overall my choice in friends were not the best. I became the black sheep of the family. Most would call it the rebellious one. However, I think I just became troubled because I was pressured and I was that individual that always wanted to fit in. Yea, I admit it. I was that troubled, confused girl that felt the need to put herself in situations that she could not handle herself. I was naive, young, and insecure.

Apart from all the negative memories there were times I could remember enjoying. I remember I had a free period in middle school which I was supposed to help the teacher be a T.A. Instead of staying in that teacher's class I snuck off with another classmate to another instructors class where we went online, listened to good music, and basically hung out. Of course there were times when he asked us to help him paint banners for the school or do a project for certain classes, but we really didn't mind because he happened to be our favorite teacher at the time. He was the cool guy who loved music, showcased his guitars and well as strict as he was he also knew how to control his class by communicating with them properly. It's funny to think that my teachers at regime were in their late 20s and early 30s. He was one of the teachers that I would not forget because he shaped my chain of thought to find the subjects I excel in an what I would mostly be interested in as an adult.

Now that I'm a young mother I ask myself the same questions I asked myself back then when I wished I was a year older. How will I be as an adult? Where would I be in 10 years? Instead I'm asking myself these questions but with Ryu in the mix. Where will he be in the next ten years? Is he going to be a good or trouble child? Have I done my best thus far as a parent to provide him with the skills he needs to move on to the next level? All I know is that I do hope that Ryu ends up having great teachers that will influence him in finding him calling for what lays ahead of him. I hope that he becomes the student that I never was growing up. I can only hope that he finds himself by being guided through the right path. Any parent only wants what's best for their child. It's only right for them to want everything good for them and their future. At times I ask myself why did I ever put my mom through such a hard time growing up? I don't even have a good answer for that except for I was a real punk growing up. I do regret ever putting my mom through a lot of the crap I have in the past. I just hope that Ryu is a much better person than I ever was as a child. I hope that he has good people in his life that won't hurt him or pressure him to do anything he doesn't want to.

It's funny how life works out some times. I would have never thought that I'd be in my mid 20s with a child talking about being this good role model or being the better person. Change can be good in y case change was really good and I can't imagine my life today without the only person I truly live and love for.

It's been a few months since I have owned my domain. It has been a while since I have written anything with real substance. That is mainly the part of blogging that I miss the most. I would say that sometimes life just comes along and that becomes way more important than any blog or site that I have managed. After refusing to renew my hosting I soon realized that I had years of posts on there I will never get back. It had then dawned on me that I linked my Tumblr to my domain at one point and anything that gets posted on my domain will relay back to Tumblr. I was able to go back and read a few old posts and it just made me miss blogging that much more. I could link my Tumblr on here for those people who may be interested in reading about my old rants, but I decided not to and to keep that away from this new blog. I wanted this blog to reflect the person who I am today and not the past. A year ago I wouldn't have thought that I would be starting a new blog, new journey, new life. It goes to show that anything can happen, will happen. I have had a very tiring, promising, amazing, yet frustrating year. Now that 2013 is just around the corner I wanted to reflect on a few details of t life that has happened this year.

I became a better version of the person I wanted to be, and that's me. I didn't think that it was possible for someone to change. Someone with my dreaded past, with my horrible habits that ended up hurting the people I loved, and most importantly hurting myself. If I kept up with my lifestyle a year back I probably would end up somewhere stupid. I can't even think of where I would end up. I made a change, for the better. I am sure that I can still be a difficult girlfriend 80% of the time, but I'm positive that I have made a significant difference. Some people like myself need something drastic to happen before change occurs. Unfortunately, I didn't like the drastic occurrence. It was definitely enough for me to step back and take a look at y life from a different perspective, hell from someone else's perspective.

Ryu's learning disability or so they call it has also been tough on our family. In the beginning of the whole ordeal I was scared, frustrated, and angry with the idea that there could be something horribly wrong with him. He's 40 months now and since we've been more involved in his learning he's improved so much. At first doctors believed that he might be autistic. As rough as it sounds I just didn't want to accept that there might be something psychologically wrong with my son. It made me feel like I did something wrong with my pregnancy or his upbringing. I know that's not the case, but the last thing I wanted to hear was that could be the issue. However, that was not the case. Ryu does have a slight learning disability and that could be because in the beginning we never encouraged him to talk. If he pointed at something we would understand him immediately and we beer followed up with a question. We assumed that what we did would cause some type of trauma. With all that said he is doing so much better now. Ryu goes to preschool once a week for his speech program and the teachers get involved and the parents have to be present as well. This way the parent would know how to deal with the situation away from school. Then Ryu goes to a daycare with an actual curricular that meets a specific type of needs and goals. Since Ryu's been attending three times a week we have seen tons of improvement and now he can talk to us. His sentences are broken into pieces but its better than him not speaking at all.  He's improved a lot and I can't wait for things to get progress further.

There is going to be so much more to write about but I will wait for another rant later.

It's weird blogging from my phone. I'm trying to get used to it since this would probably be the only device that I will be on for the next few months. I'll be working and attending to my studies and I honestly don't even have time to get on my laptop. I apologize for any future typos.

I'm here sitting at home sick and I've even sol the past week. I'm not one hundred percent sure exactly what I have, but I did lose my voice. I've been coughing and its increasingly getting worse. I do hope that I'm better next week since ill be back at work. Oh we'll. wish me luck !

I am starting a new blog, yea that is right. It's weird that I randomly gave up on my old blog that I've had for years, but to be honest I had lost interest. After giving up on my blog about two months ago I had ups and downs about reviving it since I've been blogging for years, but I never found the time to do so. Since my schedule has somewhat cleared up I realized that I actually missed the blogging scene. I miss the good people that I have met online. However, I wanted to start all over because I just need a fresh start to blogging. I know that I had written about so many stories with raising Ryu on that blog, but I think its about time to just start all over. 2012 is about to end and I'm thinking why not start blogging again. Ryu is three now and I think I've also been doing so well since last year. I feel like I've changed a lot and I've progressed and now I'm happy for how things are now. It's just this warm feeling knowing that I can express myself through writing.

I'm in no way shape or form a great writer. In fact I'm very sure that I make tons of mistakes when I write. However, I do miss it and I can't wait to continue blogging. I feel like it will be a whole new experience for me.